you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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