You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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