I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
