the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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