my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
