What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
