my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
