Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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