This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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