there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
