I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
