How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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