Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
