This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
