Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
