Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
