Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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