we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
