he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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