she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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