he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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