get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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