Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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