You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
