Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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