I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
