The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
