So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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