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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I am a bulletproof tiger!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.

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• (619): View more from California

  We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?

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