then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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