i think i have two assholes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
