Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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