So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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