Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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