I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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