3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
