when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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