Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
