Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
