You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
