I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
