I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
