I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
