my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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