I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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