in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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