Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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