Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
