We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
