hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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