nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
