the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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