Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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