the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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