can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize