I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize