guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize