There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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