I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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