I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
