we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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