the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize