I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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