Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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