I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
