if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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